In-sight.

I'm going for LASIK tomorrow!!

still don't quite believe it. I've gone for the consultations, had machines measure stuff, talked to the doctor, talked to friends (ie Lisa n Qingyuan).... Today I went for the final measurements, and paid my $$. but it hasn't really hit me yet. I'll probably get nervous on the ride to the surgery, and the feeling will slowly escalate right up to the time the Valium takes effect... It's been like that for all my major exams, i think. Am superbly calm until 30mins before it starts, when all the nervousness I've saved up for that special moment hits me with full force.

On my way home frm lab today I was just thinking about how much I've grown to dislike Joe. In the beginning I'll always defend him when people tell me how much they hate him. I'll point to his scientific expertise, and how he sometimes has good reason to act superior and feel that everyone else is a moron, or a slacker, or a slob. But gradually I've come to realise that he doesn't have a right to belittle everybody because he's not that fantastic himself.

Recently he's been giving me crap about how late I come into lab. I admit that I come in late. usually ard 10.30, 11am. but it's not like I have anything to DO in lab right now. I'm waiting on the !#$%! cells and the antibodies that Joe has taken upon himself to produce.

So I said, "I'm sorry I came in late, Joe. Was there anything that you wanted me to help you with?"

"No."

"Oh."

WTF!?! Why is he begrudging me an extra hour of sleep just for me to show up early in lab and yawn in front of my computer? He could at least give me something to do. Actually. I take that back. He wants me to inject mice iv or ip with antibody and bleed them every 6hrs to work out the pharmacokinetics. nice to know, not need to know. Painful for the mice, and for me. But of course, I'm the grad-student-slave. Completely expendable and infinitely obedient.

[mouse-bleeding, btw, involves sticking a small glass tube into the eye socket, in order to pierce the capillary bed behind the eye. I'm terrible at it and both the mouse and me become extremely traumatised. Now think a grp of 5 mice that I have to bleed every fucking 6 hrs. no sooner do they heal that I have to poke them again.]

I wish I was like Ailin. She hates her boss and has no qualms about telling him so. My first instinct was to apologise, when actually I'll be quite happy to hit Joe forcefully in the head with a baseball bat, and then throw myself off a cliff. I think I need to start doing wushu. Taiji is not violent enough to dissipate my destructive energies.

crap. now I need lots of bubble tea to feel normal again.