bowling for soup

Am in the middle of 'We need to talk about Kevin', by Lionel Shriver. Highly highly recommend the book. it's taking me a surprisingly large amount of time to get through it, though. Not only because I come home too tired to read, but also because I can only read a little before I have to stop and digest.

It's written as a series of letters from a woman to her husband, talking about their son, who had locked 11 people up in his high sch gym, and shot them.

The book is making me confront several personal issues, including

1) My long-held belief that I never will have children, and that I Should Not have children.
2) What can happen if one becomes disaffected/depressed/desperate
3) finding purpose

It also made me think about general stuff like

4) Teenagers
5) Education
6) Expectations


So.. it's quite heavy reading, and taxing both cerebrally and emotionally. It's nice that it's in a book-- seems like the kind of novel just screaming out to be made into a movie. but during a 2hr movie everything moves so fast, and you can't stop to chew on it for a day or two, and pick it up again later.

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Was talking to Joanna about the state of the economy/world/social order etc. It's very comforting to know people who are optimistic and hopeful about human nature, and who are taking steps to rectify injustices and help others.

I guess it's so easy to feel like nothing you can do will actually make a difference, so why bother. Better to run around making money so at least you have the option to make a larger contribution in future. And it's even easier once you've taken that step, to sink into the never-ending vicious cycle of Not-yet-I-don't-have-enough.

But when I wake up everyday I don't instinctively think about the millions of dispossessed poor. Should I be?? Why and/or why not??

Joanna says that in history, whenever there's been income disparity and corruption of this magnitude, the civilization will collapse. I dunno about collapse.. and she also admits that she doesn't believe that what happened to the Romans will happen now, partly because this whole thing is happening on a global scale. You can't have other civilizations rising to take the place of the old one because right now the entire world is so connected and the US has such a hegemony that if it completely collapses it'll take everyone down with it. It's like Peiyee mentioned about small banks in Germany going bust because of this subprime issue in America.

I think that the crash is inevitable. The only thing that governments, financial instituitions etc can do is plan how best to minimise impact, pick up the pieces, and try to stop such events from happening again. I'm not sure if delaying the crash will increase or decrease its effect. But I'm not an economist. I don't understand a lot of this. And I don't know whether to be happy or sad about this heightened awareness I'm cultivating about the economy n etc.

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I really really have to sleep.