Lost and Delirious

these days I feel increasingly lost n delirious. So. decided to rewatch the movie in hope of.. um. not sure what I was hoping for. but it's a good movie. with all these Shakespearean references. I read an interview with the director (Lea Pool), who was asked why is it that all her films show love-gone-awry. And she said,"I’m not interested in fairytales and I don’t see myself in the moral duty of creating positive paradigms... Loving excessively, loving badly, is a universal, touching theme."

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twelfth night
Act 1.Scene 5

Viola:
Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house;
Write loyal cantons of contemned love
And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
Halloo your name to the reverberate hills
And make the babbling gossip of the air Cry out 'Olivia!'

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'Pauline Oster' in Lost n Delirious

Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! You
hold your heads up in your
assholes because LOVE IS!
It just IS!!! And nothing you
can say can make it go away!.
Because it is the point of why
we are here. It is the highest
point and once you are up
there, looking down at everyone
else, you're there forever...
If you move, right? You fall...you fall...

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Macbeth
Act , scene 5

Lady McBeth:

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood;
Stop up the access and passage to remorse,
That no compunctious visitings of nature
Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between
The effect and it!
Come to my woman's breasts,
And take my milk for gall, you murdering ministers,
Wherever in your sightless substances
You wait on nature's mischief!
Come, thick night,
And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell,
That my keen knife see not the wound it makes,
Nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark,
To cry 'Hold, hold!'

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Antony and Cleopatra
Act 4, Scene 13

Cleopatra
O sun, Burn the great sphere thou movest in! darkling stand the varying shore o' the world.
O Antony, Antony, Antony!
shall I abide in this dull world, which in thy absence is no better than a sty?
Then is it sin
To rush into the secret house of death,
Ere death dare come to us?

Interesting and Instructive

How to be come out to.

lost

Feel a little lost.
1) Lisa is on her way to Honduras for 2 wks
2) It's Sunday night, don't wanna work
3) Don't have any emails to read, dun wanna read or surf the net.
4) No current DVDs to watch
5) feel like blogging but not sure what to say.

went for the med sch commencement ceremony yesterday. Felt suddenly extremely emotional because I didn't know when, if ever, it would be ME up on that stage, receiving my diploma.

I didn't feel that way for my undergrad commencement. sure it was a lot of hard work. but i KNEW that in X-years, after X-number of credits, I would graduate. I can't even remember where my Hopkins diploma is.

but wow, if I ever get my PhD...

I think this blog is becoming very BORING. that's because all I think about is my failed experiments. dat's enough to turn anyone from intelligent-sentinent-being,-interested-in-the-world to progressively-desperate-whiny-pile-of-sh**.

I've just been on this website www.savekaryn.com. This lady racked up $20K in credit card debt and was asking for donations to pay it off. and it worked! apparently she is now debt free, and has written 2 books. the book reviews look good. I think i'll look them up in the library. But that's kinda cool. that people would do this. However, from her website, she does seem like a funny and interesting person who's seriously trying to save money. So maybe that's why people would donate. I wonder if I put up a website asking for $0.5 million dollars, if people would donate. well, worth a shot: anyone who wants to get me out of A* can paypal me at [dapearl at gmail dot com]!!

but what would I do if I'm not working for them? I dunno. hopefully something else equally productive. like dreaming of ways to revamp the US healthcare system. or thinking of issues like 'where is capitalism leading us' and 'if one can recreate, to every last neural connection, a person's brain, would that brain have the same memories and personality as the original person?'. I guess that last question can be rephrased as 'is there such thing as a soul?'

see? all these interesting questions. but as yet no answers, because I'm wasting my time bemoaning my sad fate. fortunately, YOU can help. with every donation to [dapearl at gmail dot com] via paypal, you bring me closer to what-could-have-been.

of course, you may ask: why don't you think about these issues in your copious free time? for example, as you sit here and type, you could have already found answers to any number of important and interesting questions.


That is a good question. It deserves a good answer.

** word of the day: ONIOMANIA -- a passion or insane desire to buy things **

Burnt

feel very burnt. was out in the sun both yesterday and today. but today i used sunblock!! borrowed this sunspray thing: so you can spray the sunblock on yourself-- no worries about uneven application. *beam*.. (of sunlight)..

anyways.

Read 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman. It's good! Don't really read fantasy but Peiyee recommended this trilogy by Pullman because apparently it's really subversive and in the 3rd bk there are these gay angels. =). So in the book-world, all humans have these companions called 'daemons', which they acquire at birth. Daemons are... um... not sure what they are. But they take on animal forms. When you're young your daemon can change forms at will but during puberty the daemon 'settles' permanently into one. You have a spiritual bond with your daemon-- you feel everything he/she feels and vice versa. And this bond is also somehow physical because if you're too far apart, it really really hurts. So in the book the bad guys severe this bond by somehow cutting it so daemon and human are no longer connected. And a person without a daemon is seen as horribly deformed, like someone without a head. The heroine sees a child without his daemon, and he was a wreak, eventually wasting away and dying.

that's kinda cool huh? to have a lifetime companion who is always there for you. Someone who shares your thoughts and feelings and comforts you when you're down etc. I'm really surprised that a guy wrote this book. Seems like such a girl thing to want. perhaps down inside, guys want that too?

I was at the SJ Pride Festival today and rode a mechanical bull! 'cept it wasn't really mechanical: a guy had to stand at the back and push up and down to make it go. but regardless, still very fun. dun think i can handle a real mechanical one, and definately not a real real bull!! There was a spot painted in the middle of the bull's 'neck' and the guy said to look at it during the ride to help keep balanced. but after some really vigorous bucking my vision just blurred, I got really dizzy, and I couldn't focus on anything at all. it was crazy!! have new respect for those rodeo cowboys. am trying to decide if it's better than roller coasters. not sure. on par i think.

whoop!