paradigm shift

I've always thought that polygamy is the most evolutionarily advantageous strategy an organism can pursue. Isn't the meaning of life to produce as many offspring as possible? However, I was reading 'Monkeyluv' by Robert Sapolsky, and he mentioned an experiment done with fruitflies: It showed that flies that were forced to be monogamous outbred the polygamous flies. This is because polygamous flies had to evolve strategies like toxic semen (males) and toxin neutralizers (females) in order to pass on their genes. [Male flies had toxic semen to kill off other sperm, females had to neutralize the semen so they don't die from the toxins] Hence monogamous flies, who didn't have to waste time playing these stupid games, could spend more time making babies.

Reading this made me slightly confused. Afterall, isn't evolution all about Genetic diversity; Competition between genes; Survival of the fittest etc? If you're monogamous, how do you know that your chosen mate is the best fit for your genes? I guess living longer and producing more offspring compensates somewhat for this. Better quality of life for you and your kids, maybe? Screw the species and the diversity of the gene pool.

Sapolsky also suggests a reason for the evolution of all this toxic strategies in polygamous species: It just takes one dude to evolve toxic sperm to give him an advantage over the others, and soon everyone else is also making toxins, and the females are like, 'Crap, now we have to neutralise the damn things.' I guess in this case, making love is analogous to making war.

interesting idea

Xiao mei sez that there's this S'porean girl who blogged about some guy. This guy was complaining about S'poreans over 40 being marginalised by the society and the govt. Apparently she ended the post with "Please, get out of my elite uncaring face."

So S'pore, being a small place where everyone reads everyones' blog, is in a furor about this post: It reflects how our youth are so disdainful and privileged etc. And it's even juicier because she's the daughter of an MP.. *gasp*-- the offspring of our ministers don't care about the populace!!

Because I'm a scheming capitalist, I immediately thought about implications and ways to make $$ off this. After her post, her blog must receive hundreds of hit a day! Imagine the advertising $$!!! I too should post terrible incendiary remarks on my blog!!! But what can I say? The whole "I'm so smart and elitist" angle has already been taken, I don't want to be a copycat.

Xiao mei suggests saying something racist. In Singapore, that is death. It's worse than joining an opposition party. You'll probably find yourself on the next ship to Malaysia. Or Timbaktu. So.. I should say something racist, preferably including crude sexual references. That should be sufficient to exile my entire family from S'pore for at least 18 generations. Maybe more.

Things that make me panic

1. going to Guatemala with only my xiao mei, and with neither of us knowing spanish
2. other people graduating
3. me not graduating

ok.. I guess #1 is not a huge source of panic. I just need to learn some Spanish. Will go to the I-center. they have conversation classes on Tuesday nights. And it's free! =)

Meanwhile, am reading up on travelling in Central America. Sounds like fun. Chicken buses and Mayan ruins. comments/suggestions/travel tips will be greatly appreciated.

An important question arose when I was talking to my roommates tonight: Do Giraffes have vocal cords? I searched around a bit online and the consensus is that they CAN make noises. but do so rarely. However, the issue of the absence/presence of vocal cords was not convincingly addressed. Wikipedia also says that male giraffes engage in homosexual behavior:

"In one area 94% of mounting incidents were of a homosexual nature. The proportion of same sex courtships varies between 30 and 75%, and at any given time one in twenty males will be engaged in affectionate necking behavior with another male. Females, on the other hand, only appear to have same sex relations in 1% of mounting incidents."

I need to drink more water. I think I'm chronically dehydrated.

I want to sleep for a long long time

hm. interesting idea of Fen's-- to fill my site with porn. It'll be the world's first porn site without annoying pop ups. People will flock to it, and traffic will increase, and bam! Money.

There is only one small, almost insignificant problem-- I don't have any porn.

But I'm sure that you, my lovely readers, are more than willing to send me your stuff. Only tasteful ones, please. preferably NOT involving barnyard animals. other types of animals...? I'll think about it.

I will, of course, set it up as a separate site, so that readers with more ah.. delicate sensibilities will not be offended.

I'm thinking of going to London over Christmas to visit Kenneth n Peiyee. does anyone wanna come? free housing... am flexible with dates... A spring trip is also possible. Mebbe I'll hop over to Ireland while I'm there. Ever since I've heard about it I've always wanted to go to the top of the Guinness factory, to drink Guinness and look out over Dublin. And I wonder if they speak in Limericks in Limerick? That's Got to be pretty mind-wrecking.

I've decided to stop drinking alcohol for a while. Maybe a month... yups... today is a good day to start. Oct 1st - Nov 1st. this is because I've noticed that I've built up a greater tolerance for EtOH. Had 4-5 mixed drinks last night and hardly felt anything. Back in the day that'll either have me flat out on the floor, or at least jumping around with the immense urge to start singing. So. Maybe if I stop all EtOH intake for a while my tolerance will go back down. Plus I'm sure my liver will be happy. It's good to keep my liver happy.... Happy Liver. Lucky the happy liver. What a great idea for a children's TV show.

Right. Clearly, it's time for bed.

Gawp

So. I was thinking about selling advertising on my blog, just as an exercise to figure out first hand how all this web-advertising stuff works. I went to this targeted-ad website called text-link ads, and submitted my blog for consideration. And they rejected it. wah. I'm so crushed. They said my blog did not have high enough traffic. Which I'm sure is true. The person who reads this blog the MOST must be me. And even then I read it only about once or twice a week, for entertainment. (It must be the height of narcissism--- for me to derive this much satisfaction from reading my own thoughts)

Anyways. I looked that some of the highest earners on that text link system, and they were all very focused blogs, dealing specifically with issues like technology, entrepreneurship... or Maine football scores. [further blow to my ego- that a website about football scores earns all that $$$]

I was trying very hard to think about how I can make my blog more focused in order to increase traffic, and also mebbe giving myself something concrete to write about, rather then just random reviews about books, movies and hiking, and whatever rant I happen to obsess about. But I dunno what I should write about that people will want to read!!!

Possibilities:

1) Immunology -- but who wants to read about immunology? Even I can't stand it sometimes.
2) How I manage to screw up in lab -- eg. yesterday I forgot to add antibiotic to my bacterial plates, so I got like 5 billion colonies in every plate, including my negative control
3) Stanford
4) Hopkins
5) Singapore
6) How to get free food--- hhmm... maybe revive the Stanford free food mailing list
7) Random startup ideas
8) how to earn $$ as a student in Stanford-- including all the psych experiments I take part in.
9) Things to do in the Bay Area when not in lab
10) How to take over the world

Ok, I'm gonna take a poll. Please vote for your favorite topic via the comments section. or suggest your own. As long as it's something I can write about (eg. How to play tennis well -- is NOT a good topic; How to avoid getting killed while riding your bike around Stanford-- is a better one)....

Garrapata State Park

I can see!!!

well.... not 20/20 yet. It's supposed to take a while. but I see well enough to drive! and read! and write emails! and blog! **happy dance**

am happy enough to take back all the stuff I said about Joe. I'm sure he's.. um... doing the best he can.

Last night was pretty bad. I woke up after a nap and it felt like multiple sharp objects were lodged in my eyes. Was tearing like crazy, couldn't open eyes, couldn't look into the light... *panic* Am really thankful that Lisa n Shaowei were there for me.

But when I woke up in the morning it felt great!

1) the multiple sharp objects had disappeared
2) I could SEE!!
3) I could SEE!!

Things still look a little fuzzy, bright lights hurt, and when I try to roll my eyes to the extreme left or right there's a little twinge of discomfort. The sunglasses/goggles they gave me to protect my eyes frm dust are Massive. They take up half my face. I look like those Jap anime characters. Went to Safeway to get milk just now and kept my sunglasses on the whole time because the lights there were incredibly bright. Felt like a failed movie star wannabe. Am convinced that the cashier was trying not to laugh.

Yesterday I was in the lunch rm, reading the Arthitis medical report. It's something doctors give to patients.. There was this article in there that touched on Assisted Pain Alteration. or something like that. Basically the idea is this: patients listened to a tape of someone asking them to visualise their pain, and to describe it: what does it look like? what color is it? Then patients were told to imagine their pain changing, becoming less... um.. evil/painful.

Amazingly, the grp of patients that listened to the tape described their pain as less severe afterwards, and by the end of the study (a couple weeks) described their pain as manageable. The control grp of patients were given the same medications etc without the assisted pain visualization thing and just told to record their medications. Their pain remained the same.

So last night after I took some medications/eye drops etc and was trying to sleep, I tried to visualise my pain. Immediately I thought of it as a black devil-like creature with a very sharp staff/triton thing which it was poking into my eyes. So I thought of it putting down the stupid triton, and sitting down to meditate. Like the chinese saying: Fang(4) xia(4) tu(2) dao(1), li(4) di(4) cheng(2) fuo(2) [loosely translated as: put down your sabre and become a buddha]. It was actually quite an amusing exercise and I think helped me to some extent. Highly recommended for people trying to deal with pain.

In-sight.

I'm going for LASIK tomorrow!!

still don't quite believe it. I've gone for the consultations, had machines measure stuff, talked to the doctor, talked to friends (ie Lisa n Qingyuan).... Today I went for the final measurements, and paid my $$. but it hasn't really hit me yet. I'll probably get nervous on the ride to the surgery, and the feeling will slowly escalate right up to the time the Valium takes effect... It's been like that for all my major exams, i think. Am superbly calm until 30mins before it starts, when all the nervousness I've saved up for that special moment hits me with full force.

On my way home frm lab today I was just thinking about how much I've grown to dislike Joe. In the beginning I'll always defend him when people tell me how much they hate him. I'll point to his scientific expertise, and how he sometimes has good reason to act superior and feel that everyone else is a moron, or a slacker, or a slob. But gradually I've come to realise that he doesn't have a right to belittle everybody because he's not that fantastic himself.

Recently he's been giving me crap about how late I come into lab. I admit that I come in late. usually ard 10.30, 11am. but it's not like I have anything to DO in lab right now. I'm waiting on the !#$%! cells and the antibodies that Joe has taken upon himself to produce.

So I said, "I'm sorry I came in late, Joe. Was there anything that you wanted me to help you with?"

"No."

"Oh."

WTF!?! Why is he begrudging me an extra hour of sleep just for me to show up early in lab and yawn in front of my computer? He could at least give me something to do. Actually. I take that back. He wants me to inject mice iv or ip with antibody and bleed them every 6hrs to work out the pharmacokinetics. nice to know, not need to know. Painful for the mice, and for me. But of course, I'm the grad-student-slave. Completely expendable and infinitely obedient.

[mouse-bleeding, btw, involves sticking a small glass tube into the eye socket, in order to pierce the capillary bed behind the eye. I'm terrible at it and both the mouse and me become extremely traumatised. Now think a grp of 5 mice that I have to bleed every fucking 6 hrs. no sooner do they heal that I have to poke them again.]

I wish I was like Ailin. She hates her boss and has no qualms about telling him so. My first instinct was to apologise, when actually I'll be quite happy to hit Joe forcefully in the head with a baseball bat, and then throw myself off a cliff. I think I need to start doing wushu. Taiji is not violent enough to dissipate my destructive energies.

crap. now I need lots of bubble tea to feel normal again.

Others

went hiking today! It is An Event cos I haven't been hiking in a while. =)

went to Henry Coe State Park with the Outing club. Actually, I would highly discourage people frm going there. It was quite a boring hike and the best views could already be had in the parking lot. And there were a lot of steep ups and downs. Tiring on the ups, dangerous on the downs.

The trip leader was this guy called 'V' (nope did not wear a mask), but he walked in the back to make sure no one got lost. So this girl Jane set the pace for most of the hike. Jane is a small little Asian girl. Even smaller than me. But Boy Can She Walk. Off we went, like a rocket. Speeding up the hills like a hot knife thru butter, we conquered the first hill, then the next, and the next... fwah. I never realised how out of shape I've become. I was gasping like a fish outta water (or a mouse under euthanasia) after the first 5 mins, but Jane and Aileen were chatting away as though they were merely strolling in the park.

*still in state of shock*

anyways. am taking inventory of all my stuff cos need to move to new apt. reading this book by Marian Keyes. Irish chick writer. Quite funny. was struck by how she keeps referring to her husband as "Himself". thought this was odd. but then remembered that Luz also referred to Nanguang as 'Him'. Like.. I'll mention a new movie, and Luz will say, "Yeah, I saw it with Him." At first I had to clarify: "Um... by Him u mean Nanguang?"... but after a while I cld safely assume that 'He', 'Him', and 'We' all refer to the same person.

What's the reason for this phenomenon? How come I dun hear guys refering to their partners as 'Her'?

Some possible reasons y some gals do this:
1) They feel some need to deitify their significant other?
2) They forgot his name?

hhmmm..... points to ponder...... =X

actually.. now that they've broken up Luz still avoids all use of His name. Now she calls him 'My Ex'.

Back in Stanford

am staying awake till 11pm so that I (hopefully) sleep all night and don't wake up at 5am. My strategy for combating jet lag. *grin*

It's super hot here in Stanford. Feels hotter than in S'pore! and the air-con in lab is not working too well... heard that in the hospital they couldn't operate becos no AC in the operating theatres!

watched 'I Not Stupid II' on the plane. Lisa recommended it. Said it was good, and made her cry n cry. Immediately I felt that I shdn't watch it. Such a below-the-belt tactic of selling movies-- making people cry n cry. But against my better judgement I did watch it and indeed was induced to cry n cry. Basket. good thing the seat next to me was unoccupied, else so embarassing. Trying to hide my puffy-eyes-runny-nose condition frm the air stewardesses is hard enough. I think I used like, 5 tissues... *sigh*. The movie was ok. I hate having my emotions manipulated so I refuse to say that it's a gd movie. HRMPH. So There.

tried cable skiing on Monday. Quite fun =). but I spent a lot of time swimming and walking (after falling into the water), and I think I got stung by a jellyfish. didn't feel that tired after but my muscles are def sore today.. Will be a lot more fun when/if I get better at it. However, I think downhill skiing/snow boarding is more exciting, becos
1) You can go faster
2) You have more control.

But I guess cable skiing is less scary. You can't accidentally end up at the top of some super steep slope, rigidly staring at the !#$%! mountain of moguls below, trying to summon the courage to take the first plunge....

*grin*. yay skiing.

thots

thinking about how more n more ppl r getting married n having babies n stuff. Gerry was saying how she felt like everyone's doing stuff with their lives and accomplishing things. But I think she's accomplished the most and has come the furthest in our entire HJC class-- she's married n expecting a kid in Feb. !!?!! She also seems secure career-wise.. so really, no reason to feel left behind. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side??

Leonard asked me if I felt worried/left behind. I think he asked me this becos HE's feeling worried. *grin* [Len claims that he is NOT at all worried, and is in fact extremely satisfied with his life]

Shameless plug for leonard: He's a nice, eligible bachelor who will make a considerate husband and doting father. Sweet and pretty girls who live near Dallas, TX (or don't mind relocating to Dallas), pls apply within.

My brother is 21 and sez that he feels old. I guess it's a common emotion for post-army guys-- they come out and feel like in those 2 years the whole world's passed them by?? but he's amazingly still together with Sharon, so I dun think he shd have much to complain about..

me mum is sad becos it seems like Sharon is his 1st priority-- and also becos it seems like Sharon acts as though she SHD be his 1st priority... But then again even when my brother is at home all he does is play computer games, and watch anime. And my parents don't seem to have much to say to him except stuff like "Cut your hair", "When is your uni orientation? Remember to go." and "Eat this."...... actually.... that's pretty much what they say to me too.... I guess they just like having us around. But I'm not exactly sure what we do in our 'family time'. In fact, I'm not exactly sure what the ideal 'family time' should be like. Yet, this doesn't mean that we don't have family ties. Quite the opposite, I'm sure. *sigh*. This whole thing has the potential to become really mushy so I'm going stop now.

Somehow my parents brought home a breadmaking machine. My dad is v. enthusiastic about it and went out to buy yeast. they put in all the ingredients and started the thinggy 3 hrs ago. Unfortunately they didn't read the part of the instructions tt say how u can set the delay-timer to get the bread just-baked at 7am.... so now it's gonna get done at midnight. need to check the machine now to take out the bread... Moral of the story: read the entire manual before starting the !#$$R! machine!!

*update on the bread: didn't put enuff yeast, or water, or both. It turned out to be this hard disc of dough. for our 2nd try dad bought a ready-mixed packet-- just add water. this time it looks, smells, feels and tastes like bread. =)*

Last night we went to the Geylang claypot rice place. It's pretty good, but a little overhyped-- yes yes it's nice, but pocket feel pain lah. dunno if that huge pot of rice is truly worth $23. The chili steamed fish was really fresh, and I like the chili. The softshell-crab was too fried?? too much batter? Hm. not sure how to explain this. It seemed like each piece was just v. crispy batter. ok lah, but can't really taste the crab. Most jap places at Stanford have better crabs in their spider rolls. But I really liked their yam paste (dessert). V. smooth and creamy, and not too sweet.

Louis MacNeice - Prayer before Birth

I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
    club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
    with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
       on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
    to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
       in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
    when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
       my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
          my life when they murder by means of my
             hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
    old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
       frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
           waves call me to folly and the desert calls
             me to doom and the beggar refuses
                my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
    come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
    humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
       would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
          one face, a thing, and against all those
             who would dissipate my entirety, would
                blow me like thistledown hither and
                   thither or hither and thither
                      like water held in the
                         hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

HOME 2006

since coming home is always such an occasion, feel like have to blog 'bout it. so um... here goes...

First Impression:
Airport looks the same as always. Parents late as usual.

Coming Home:
family moved to new house in the last year. It's located in the maze-like Opera Estate at junction of Bedok/Siglap/Chai Chee. Am not sure how I'll manage to find my way home alone.
Possible ideas:
1) leave a trail of breadcrumbs
2) mount a lighthouse beacon on the roof
3) install a remote-controlled electromagnet at home, and carry around a large chunk of iron.

The house is pretty nice, though. I have my own room, and there's a lot of space. Enough for taiji, i think, but not enough for wushu.

They gave away the dog! to the SPCA. =(. actually, it took me the whole day b4 I noticed that the dog wasn't ard. sad. it was a good dog. amusing. Hairy and sheds all over clothes n furniture, but kinda cute so it was always forgiven...

Maid has left, so we have to do chores now. my mum has some sort of tendonitis in her right wrist, so I'm trying to help with stuff that requires extertion of right-hand. like chopping all the vegetables. and carrying water. and sweeping floor. But mostly during the day I just hide in the air-conditioned study room and play with the computer.... too hot to contemplate going out.

Local Food:
Fabulous. The only reason why I drag myself outta the house. 1st day I had hokkien mee at MP central, next day I had Prawn mee at Joo Chiat. Today I had char kuay teow for lunch n went to some hainanese zi-char place for dinner... have many many other things to eat b4 I can go back.

Family:
the same. everyone seems fairly busy.

Other thoughts:
um. dunno. so far have been slightly successful at avoiding mosquitoes. only get about 5 bites a day, instead of my usual 10-15... I hate mosquitoes. but the ones here are very sneaky. Commando mosquitoes. unseen and unheard.

Have to email more people. Need to see them b4 I go back.

Now that I don't have to work, I'm actually reading more Immunology! strange. last week I couldn't even bring myself to look at science.

Lost and Delirious

these days I feel increasingly lost n delirious. So. decided to rewatch the movie in hope of.. um. not sure what I was hoping for. but it's a good movie. with all these Shakespearean references. I read an interview with the director (Lea Pool), who was asked why is it that all her films show love-gone-awry. And she said,"I’m not interested in fairytales and I don’t see myself in the moral duty of creating positive paradigms... Loving excessively, loving badly, is a universal, touching theme."

--------------------

twelfth night
Act 1.Scene 5

Viola:
Make me a willow cabin at your gate,
And call upon my soul within the house;
Write loyal cantons of contemned love
And sing them loud even in the dead of night;
Halloo your name to the reverberate hills
And make the babbling gossip of the air Cry out 'Olivia!'

-----------
'Pauline Oster' in Lost n Delirious

Liar! Liar! Liar! Liar! You
hold your heads up in your
assholes because LOVE IS!
It just IS!!! And nothing you
can say can make it go away!.
Because it is the point of why
we are here. It is the highest
point and once you are up
there, looking down at everyone
else, you're there forever...
If you move, right? You fall...you fall...

-----------------
Macbeth
Act , scene 5

Lady McBeth:

Come, you spirits
That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,
And fill me from the crown to the toe top-full
Of direst cruelty! make thick my blood;
Stop up the access and passage to remorse,
That no compunctious visitings of nature
Shake my fell purpose, nor keep peace between
The effect and it!
Come to my woman's breasts,
And take my milk for gall, you murdering ministers,
Wherever in your sightless substances
You wait on nature's mischief!
Come, thick night,
And pall thee in the dunnest smoke of hell,
That my keen knife see not the wound it makes,
Nor heaven peep through the blanket of the dark,
To cry 'Hold, hold!'

-----------------
Antony and Cleopatra
Act 4, Scene 13

Cleopatra
O sun, Burn the great sphere thou movest in! darkling stand the varying shore o' the world.
O Antony, Antony, Antony!
shall I abide in this dull world, which in thy absence is no better than a sty?
Then is it sin
To rush into the secret house of death,
Ere death dare come to us?

Interesting and Instructive

How to be come out to.

lost

Feel a little lost.
1) Lisa is on her way to Honduras for 2 wks
2) It's Sunday night, don't wanna work
3) Don't have any emails to read, dun wanna read or surf the net.
4) No current DVDs to watch
5) feel like blogging but not sure what to say.

went for the med sch commencement ceremony yesterday. Felt suddenly extremely emotional because I didn't know when, if ever, it would be ME up on that stage, receiving my diploma.

I didn't feel that way for my undergrad commencement. sure it was a lot of hard work. but i KNEW that in X-years, after X-number of credits, I would graduate. I can't even remember where my Hopkins diploma is.

but wow, if I ever get my PhD...

I think this blog is becoming very BORING. that's because all I think about is my failed experiments. dat's enough to turn anyone from intelligent-sentinent-being,-interested-in-the-world to progressively-desperate-whiny-pile-of-sh**.

I've just been on this website www.savekaryn.com. This lady racked up $20K in credit card debt and was asking for donations to pay it off. and it worked! apparently she is now debt free, and has written 2 books. the book reviews look good. I think i'll look them up in the library. But that's kinda cool. that people would do this. However, from her website, she does seem like a funny and interesting person who's seriously trying to save money. So maybe that's why people would donate. I wonder if I put up a website asking for $0.5 million dollars, if people would donate. well, worth a shot: anyone who wants to get me out of A* can paypal me at [dapearl at gmail dot com]!!

but what would I do if I'm not working for them? I dunno. hopefully something else equally productive. like dreaming of ways to revamp the US healthcare system. or thinking of issues like 'where is capitalism leading us' and 'if one can recreate, to every last neural connection, a person's brain, would that brain have the same memories and personality as the original person?'. I guess that last question can be rephrased as 'is there such thing as a soul?'

see? all these interesting questions. but as yet no answers, because I'm wasting my time bemoaning my sad fate. fortunately, YOU can help. with every donation to [dapearl at gmail dot com] via paypal, you bring me closer to what-could-have-been.

of course, you may ask: why don't you think about these issues in your copious free time? for example, as you sit here and type, you could have already found answers to any number of important and interesting questions.


That is a good question. It deserves a good answer.

** word of the day: ONIOMANIA -- a passion or insane desire to buy things **

Burnt

feel very burnt. was out in the sun both yesterday and today. but today i used sunblock!! borrowed this sunspray thing: so you can spray the sunblock on yourself-- no worries about uneven application. *beam*.. (of sunlight)..

anyways.

Read 'The Golden Compass' by Philip Pullman. It's good! Don't really read fantasy but Peiyee recommended this trilogy by Pullman because apparently it's really subversive and in the 3rd bk there are these gay angels. =). So in the book-world, all humans have these companions called 'daemons', which they acquire at birth. Daemons are... um... not sure what they are. But they take on animal forms. When you're young your daemon can change forms at will but during puberty the daemon 'settles' permanently into one. You have a spiritual bond with your daemon-- you feel everything he/she feels and vice versa. And this bond is also somehow physical because if you're too far apart, it really really hurts. So in the book the bad guys severe this bond by somehow cutting it so daemon and human are no longer connected. And a person without a daemon is seen as horribly deformed, like someone without a head. The heroine sees a child without his daemon, and he was a wreak, eventually wasting away and dying.

that's kinda cool huh? to have a lifetime companion who is always there for you. Someone who shares your thoughts and feelings and comforts you when you're down etc. I'm really surprised that a guy wrote this book. Seems like such a girl thing to want. perhaps down inside, guys want that too?

I was at the SJ Pride Festival today and rode a mechanical bull! 'cept it wasn't really mechanical: a guy had to stand at the back and push up and down to make it go. but regardless, still very fun. dun think i can handle a real mechanical one, and definately not a real real bull!! There was a spot painted in the middle of the bull's 'neck' and the guy said to look at it during the ride to help keep balanced. but after some really vigorous bucking my vision just blurred, I got really dizzy, and I couldn't focus on anything at all. it was crazy!! have new respect for those rodeo cowboys. am trying to decide if it's better than roller coasters. not sure. on par i think.

whoop!

Bay to Breakers

yoicks.
Ran Bay to Breakers on Sunday!! [B2B is a 'race' across San Francisco, frm the Bay to the Ocean. Total length = 12km= 7.48 mi] Man, I've never run so much continuously in my life =). It wasn't too hard to keep my mind off boredom/pain/blisters/road, because running/walking around me were 60 000 other people dressed in Elvis costumes, grapes, santa hats, SpongeBob, and even one guy going as a portable earthquake shelter. !!?!! I only counted 15 naked people, but apparently there were a lot more of them walking at the back.

It was a stupendous event. People lined the streets to play music, watch and cheer, and I saw one guy on his balcony, in nothing but an Elvis wig and a very tight thong. *grin*

Mebbe next year I'll forget about the whole running thing. Just bring alcohol and walk/stagger the 12K.

Checked out the results online. Fastest guy time= 34.20min. Fastest gal = 39.09. SF Mayor Gavin Newsom=59.04. My time= 1h 25 min.

Didn't take any pictures because I was running, but check out the official online photo gallery: http://www.ingbaytobreakers.com/race_information/gallery.html

Oh, and as always, there were people dressed as salmon running 'upstream' against the flow of traffic. =). Didn't see the sushi chef that's supposed to be running after them, though.

Good times.

PISSED OFF

Current mood: Pissed Off.

It's bloody midnight on a Friday night and I'm here in lab isolating stupid cells from stupid blood. Me and my psychological mind games that I'm playing with Joe to encourage him to take more vacations. Have to be ultra productive while he's home in Texas so that he'll go home more often.

Am super busy all weekend, and have to go to SF tmr to do some stupid taiji demonstration. Drive bloody 1hr, get to SF, get stuck in traffic and find parking for 20mins, get to Union Sq, do a FIVE MINUTE demo, drive all the way back. What a bloody Waste Of My Time. Pull any kid off the street and teach him taiji and make him do the demo instead. That means I can't do tuition tmr and have to push it to sunday when I already have other plans.

**FUME**

things I'd rather have happen instead of having to do all this crap:
1) get knocked down by a bus. Hopefully die.
2) second coming of Christ, go to Hell for eternal damnation.
3) aliens invade. zap Earth off the Universe. quick death.


was wondering if I was irritable because I'm hungry. Read a news story about a teacher solving her grade sch kids behavioral and scholastic problems just by feeding them. So I fed myself a bagel. Nope. Still Pissed Off.

Basket.

Morality, Monogamy n Marriage

Dunno why, was thinking about monogamy. Again. Feels like I've blogged about this b4.

Thought #1
Started thinking about it a few mths ago, when SP told me that the guy she was kinda seeing confessed to being Married. Wah. Apparently he often goes out with other girls, and says that it's not really his fault, the girls were throwing themselves at him. !! Hm. Although. He IS a pretty good looking chap, and it was SP who first asked him out.. but still. I was there when she asked him out, and she wasn't exactly launching herself into his arms.. And on their 'date' they apparently talked about relationships and he mentioned having an ex-girlfriend but said nothing about being married. I guess he conveniently left out the fact that his "ex-gf" is now his current-WIFE.

Thought #2
Kenny C at Hopkins talks enviously about Mormons n how they condone polygamy; Suicide bombers look forward to their 42 virgins when they reach heaven; but Lisa rejects the idea of 42 virgins being heavenly because how can you make each one feel special and loved??.. [i guess it's heaven for the jihadists, but not for the virgins?]

Thought #3
Reading "Dr Tatiana's Sex Advice to All Creation": polygamy is the norm in the animal kingdom. Makes sense for males because they want to spread their seed. Makes sense for the females because the fittest sperm probably leads to the fittest offspring, + y put all ur eggs into one basket? Makes sense for the species as a whole because more matings lead to more diverse offspring, lead to increased chance of survival in times of crisis.

Back in the day, Kings would keep harems of mistresses. Under Islamic law, it's still legal to have more than 1 wife. [Although I think this is more because of the male-dominance of the society than enlightened views of evolution, since females can't have more than 1 husband.]

But now in 'modern', westernised society, it's not only immoral to be polygamous, it's illegal to have more than one spouse at any one time. Since there is a clear genetic argument to be made for sexual promiscuity, IS OUR MORALITY HOLDING BACK OUR EVOLUTION?

[An interesting thought that just came to me: suppose the Church is so anti-evolution because this would undermine all their moral teachings as well?]

Thought #4
Ah hah! Now I remember why this topic seems familiar-- I wrote something about the movie 'Kinsey', where this guy, his wife, and his students started engaging in all sorts of sex in all sort of combinations. In the movie the whole thing breaks down because of jealousies and the question of love.

Recently saw the movie 'The Barbarian Invasions'. It's excellent. so I watched the 'making-of' clip in the DVD. One of the actresses was reminiscing about the 60s/70s, the whole peace, love, flower-power era. So apparently, back then it was all about You shd love n sleep with whoever and however many you want. Her bf then really embraced this philosophy, but she never felt comfortable with it. But she also felt that it was morally wrong to object to his infidelities because of peace, love etc. So then she also slept with someone else, and once she did that, she found that she didn't love her bf anymore. Mebbe she's just not the alpha male/female type?


Conclusion:
Seems like polygamy makes biological sense, but it doesn't really work in human society, even when it's universally accepted [eg. during the peace, love, flower-power era]? Like all logical, utopian ideals (eg. Communism), human nature/society tends to throw curveballs?


Random, off topic thought:
MM Lee said that if the opposition wants to become a real challenge to the PAP, it should challenge them on concrete issues, like housing, the economy, health care, education etc, instead of just whining about how the PAP treats them unfairly and doesn't provide a level playing field. Hm. I guess that makes sense. but I think challenging the PAP's stand on 'free speech' is pretty relevant to society as a whole. [Probably the reason y no one talks about housing and health care is becos the PAP is doing a good job in those areas. How to challenge 90% home ownership?] But they are really trying to revamp the education system, say what 'teach less to learn more'. So Rubbish. I think the best part of the education system is that they teach more. Coming to the US, we really have an edge over the Americans. How else to get 3.8GPA and do triple majors in 3 yrs? The lack of creativity is not because of our overwhelming education system. It's because we can't even debate race and politics without fear of getting sued left, right and center. MM Lee says he doesn't believe that S'poreans are scared to talk to the ST about politics. Hm. Are we talking about the same S'pore? S'pore in 2000? He's still thinking about the 1950s, mebbe.

Ok. so mebbe it's an irrational fear. I'm pretty sure that if I insinuate bad things about the PAP here, I'll still be ok, and if I have children in future they will be able to get into Primary sch, and I won't get knocks on my door at night frm people about to take me away for questioning... But I'm still scared.

Stupid Expts...

ARGH! nothing works! I'll be stuck here forever!!! Stupid cells don't wanna degranulate.... I'm DOOMED..... time is ticking inexorably away, and I have accomplished Nothing =XXXXXX.....

*panic attack*

sigh. all I want is my PhD. is that too much to ask?


---------------------------

Never have I felt such torture.
All I think of is her.
Needing the opiate of her favor, I am
Consumed by the Unattainable;
Yeasting with sound and fury, and accomplishing nothing.

---------------------------

rain

I remember the only Chinese essay I ever received a good grade for: It was an essay about 'Rain'. It was pouring outside and I thought that really sucked. So as a mental exercise I decided to write an essay about how great the rain was and how I really liked it to rain. Made up some story about how rain washed away the dirt and the evil, how it was a rebirth, etc. Almost convinced myself, until class ended and I had to go home in the bl**dy rain. Moral of the story: chinese teachers like precipitation.

was making the short 20 second hike frm car to class last night and it was a crazy battle between my umbrella and the howling wind/rain. I was wondering why Mother Nature was punishing my poor little umbrella.:

MN: Howling Wind/Rain.

ME: Yes I know you're damn powerful. Now stop it already and let me pass!

MN: Howling Wind/Rain.

ME: Why do you feel the need to show off, huh? My umbrella has suffered enough! It doesn't have to take this kind of sh!t frm you.

MN: Howling Wind/Rain.

ME: dammit.

Saving Face

watched the movie yesterday, after eating way too much for steamboat (aka 'hotpot). There's something about steamboat that makes me overeat. I think the problem is that you get something cooked, you eat it. You cook something else, you eat that too. So it's almost impossible to keep track of how much you eat until suddenly you're beset by this feeling of unparalleled expansion + tightness and you realise that oops you've done it again. And it's definately exacerbated by helpful friends putting food in your bowl.

But I digress. I think the movie is excellent. rumor has it that it's directed by an ex-Stanford student. It's about a young chinese-american girl (Wil) who's doing her surgical residency in NYC. Her single mother lives with her grandparents in Flushing, Queens. One day her mum shows up at her door, pregnant and chased out by her really strict and traditional father (Wil's grandfather). Almost at the same time, Wil falls in love with and starts dating Vivian, another ABC with parental connections in Flushing. (Apparently, there's this whole community of immigrant Chinese in Flushing that are really close knit, everyone knows everyone else and tries to matchmake each other's offspring etc)

So. it gets kinda complicated. the basic issues (for Wil) are

1) Pregnant mother in house
2) In love with another woman. How to tell pregnant mother n grandparents?
3) Pregnant mother is redecorating house (pink curtains, bedsheets etc)
4) Who is the father?????

It's a really hilarious look into the immigrant Chinese community and the second generation woes. But Wil's and Vivian's chinese is absolutely atrocious. Probably my only gripe about the movie. But according to the director's notes, the movie is ultimately about LLUUURRVE.

Told Lisa that I thought that Wil is chio but Lisa says that Vivian was definately a lot chio-er. And the guys thought so too. But it's all in the make up and clothes, man. I looked her up on the internet and with makeup and in a dress she looked more.. um.. alluring.

'allo 'allo

Nighthawk, come in Nighthawk.

'allo 'allo. this is nighthawk. receiving you loud and clear.

Nighthawk, this is your message: Aunt Tilda is arriving Thursday. She hasn't got any matches.

um. but Aunt Mary is still here. where am I going to put all these relatives?

That's your problem, Nighthawk. Over and out.



- iambored

2006!

saw pics of people in Times Square with those cheesy glasses that say '2006' where the "00" are the lenses for your eyes... I was just thinking that we only have 3 more years to wear these kinda glasses... when it's 2010 it's not gonna work anymore!! I'll definately have to get me a pair in 2009.

these couple days i've been doing this 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle. it's 'bout 2/3 done, i think. but i'm a little sick of it. and it's taking up all the space on my dining table so i've had to eat my dinner in front of the TV. =X. it's a picture of this log cabin above a river, and there's a nice cliff/rock face behind it. when i first started the jigsaw I thought: oh! wouldn't it be nice to live in this cabin? all these nice trees, and you can climb the mountain/canyon thinggy whenever you want instead of driving 3 hrs to Yosemite!

but now after 3 days of jigsawing, I'm thinking: OMG let me never see the real cabin man, i swear I'll burn it to the ground, and all the !@#$%! trees with it.

ok i take that back. i love trees. i'll just burn the cabin.

hm. the sleeve label on my quiksilver tshirt says on the back: "Our Roots Run Deeper". huh? roots? deeper? than what? what roots? I'm not a plant. i refuse to be even metaphorically associated with one.

was really bored and tried to go to pinkshoefetish.blogspot.com, but it wasn't there anymore! apparently i'm Really behind the times, and daphne teo is no longer blogging after being hounded by hecklers criticizing her blog, her brain, her way of life etc. Eh. wah cor man. what's this? wtf did she ever do to those people for them to call her all those horrible names and denouncing her for living her shopaholic, 'decadent' lifestyle? See lah, now she shut down her blog, what am i gonna read for fun? where else can i find pics of expensive shoes, handbags and cosmetics and wonder in amazement and plot about how I could spend all that $$$?

This further confirms my belief that SINGAPORE IS TOO DAMN SMALL. people are so wu-liao they have nothing better to do than be mean to other people and pass all kinds of judgements. *sigh*. but obviously I also have nothing better to do. sitting here on my ass whining and complaining.

am cranky becos Aileen n her friend said yesterday that they might make Tiramisu but they never called me for the hand mixer and they're going away tmr to some church in Redding so I MIGHT NEVER GET MY TIRAMISU!! AARGH!!! calamity!

*deep breathing exercises*

i'm pondering a name-change to Dong(1) Fang(1) Bu(4) Bai(4) [ie. the Invincible East]. it has a nice ring to it, yeah? and i just saw the movie and she was cool! [although in the story she's actually a He who castrated himself to obtain superpowers--- how come in chinese kungfu movies the bad guy always has to castrate himself to obtain superpowers? does that mean that women are inherently more powerful already? or does it mean that women are evil? but cannot be becos the bad guy was already evil and male b4 he castrates himself. i think it's just a stupid chauvinistic concept that the evil guy is SO EVIL that he would even sacriface his most precious asset, ie. his manhood. anyways. in his case i think becoming a woman is the best thing that happened to him. geez. to become so pretty and have Jet Li fall in love with you? wah. I also want to castrate myself and learn superpowers............... ]

anyways. I digress. read 'Wicked' by Gregory Macguire. It's good! everyone shd read it. need to find something new to read. 'Guns Germs and Steel' isn't really doing it for me. have been trying to read it for the past 4 mths and it's going really slowly. any recommendations?